I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
