are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
