toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
