my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
