hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
