How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
