he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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