i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
