I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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