Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
