You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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