I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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