There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
