i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
