so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
