So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
