Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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