It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
