hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
