He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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