what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Randomize
