May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
