I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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