I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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