apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
