If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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