so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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