I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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