Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
