My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
