i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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