Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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