i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
