why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
