farters have to be the big spoon...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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