If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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