508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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