You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
