it was like his penis was on wheels.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
