Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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