GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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