this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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