he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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