im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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