Michael Bay diarrhea
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
