Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
