So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this just has baby written all over it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
