Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
