we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
