totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
