nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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