She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
