shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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