my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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