grandma shit on top of the toilet
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
