This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
