ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
