You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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