I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
