so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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