Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it hurts more in the daytime
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
