hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
