its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
