her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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