I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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