Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
