I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
