Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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