I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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