I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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