So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
