insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
