Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
