I will die if light touches me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
