Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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