why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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