There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
