hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
