i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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