kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
