margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
