Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
