PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
