Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize