Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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