i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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