I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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